They ask me why we haven’t had the conversation.
I assure them that we have and that-
There is an arrangement with no back and forth, there is no limbo,
There is no unchartered territory, no sweeping off things under the carpet.
We are as we are and come tomorrow,
If one of us chooses to leave, it won’t bind the other to stay,
For the sake of familiarity.
They ask me if I love you.
And I tell them that I do.
I love you with all my bones, sinew and heart.
But not enough to ask you to share your life with me,
Not enough to break things apart and bind them together,
Not enough to change predestined trajectories, and
Not enough to alter intuitions drilled deep.
They ask me if it will hurt?
I nod assertively, afraid that it will overwhelm,
On a Wednesday night, on a train ride back home.
It will come apart fully and wholly,
As all things do and as all things must end.
I placate myself with the belief that we discard shells and cocoons often and continuously,
To fully breathe in with the rest of the world.
[The title is taken from a verse in the song “Rhiannon” by Fleetwood Mac.]